To say the last 6 weeks of my life has been crazy would be an understatement. I would say that it has probably been the most tumultuous and, at times, uncomfortable period of my life since I packed up in St. Louis and moved to Kentucky for college 14 years ago. I have had several huge changes in my life that have really made me rethink the trajectory of where I'm going, and even who I am. My entire outlook is different now, compared to what it was at the start of 2014. Unfortunately, in all of this my running has been one of the major casualties.
While not all of the changes have been good, they haven't all been bad either. One of the major gains from all of this is that I've become a homeowner for the first time in my life, at the age of 32. And even better than that, the house brings me closer to the area I used to live back in the days when I considered myself a "good" runner. So all of my old running routes from when I was in my mid-20's will be waiting for me when I am finally moved into my new house.
While I know lots of people look at their daily run as a way to relieve stress, clear their head, or just give themselves a sense of accomplishment for the day, my view of running has always been a bit different. I envy and respect the people who look at running in that matter because it is important to really enjoy the things in life that fulfill you. And I do enjoy running, but in a different way. Back in my most competitive days, I enjoyed the thrill of competition that running brought. I trained hard and raced often, and every race I won or every PR I ran just fueled my fire to train that much more. My daily run was one of the constants in my life, and I didn't even consider skipping out.
Unfortunately I was only at that peak for about a year, and then injuries happened. Today, I know I still have that potential to be a "good" runner, but getting back to that point has been a challenge. So instead of getting a sense of satisfaction out of my daily run, it has instead begun to lead to a different type of stress. I know that every day I skip out on my run is a day lost. However, every day I go for a run and something hurts causes me to doubt my ability to achieve success. I will run 5 days in a row, and then something always seems to hurt and I begin to feel the self-doubt creep in. Next thing I know I have taken 3 days off and lost the benefits that those training days would have given. Every week of running 2-3 days is a week where my level of fitness sinks a bit more. But every day I run I worry that another injury will pop up. My runs have gone from something I enjoy to something I'm scared to do. Even over the past few weeks, I've been dealing with a hamstring injury that won't go away, no matter how much I stretch, massage or ice.I feel like I"m starting to turn a corner in the past few days. I haven't had a race planning in weeks, so taking days off lately hasn't meant much to me. Being able to get up in the morning and not feel like I "have to run" has liberated me a bit. The fire has started to burn a bit more, and I've gotten to the point where I want to get out the door. But sometimes this motivation only lasts a few days...then something begins to hurt and I'm back to square one.
So what is the point of this post...who knows. I think I just needed to vent a bit. I had really hoped to enter this spring in good shape, ready to assault my 5k PR. Instead, I'm starting over and trying to figure out exactly what I want to get out of running.
